STEWARTBY VILLAGE 0 - 10 KINGS AFC

League Fixture

Monday 21st April 2008

Kings: Sansom, Loosemore, Milner, Dyer, Cain, Tomlin (Sacbuker), Minty, Haywood, Morgan, J Clements (N Clements), Barber (Wilson)

Half time score: 0-1

Kings AFC Scorers: Tomlin, Morgan, Haywood, Dyer .... N Clements (SIX!!!!!!!!)

Bookings: J Clements (Yellow)

MAN OF THE MATCH LEE MORGAN

Starting formation and lineup:

Stewartby 0 - 10 Kings AFC

A cool, windy Monday evening provided the setting for Kings AFC to attempt to take three points to cement their place at the top of the table in just their second season. Manager Minty was to drop three bombshells prior to the match by announcing tactical changes, with Allen ‘lightning’ Sacbuker, Steve ‘Attilio’ Wilson, and Nathan ‘hammy’ Clements called to occupy the Kings Bench.

Kings line-up strong as always, consisted of Sammo in goal, with a back four of Lucy, Happy Cain, Dyer and Milner. In the centre of the park with a bruised nose Captain Haywood and his partner in crime, Manager Minty. Providing speed and guile on the wings, Scotty Barber and his young side kick, Marcus Tomlin. Josh Clements and Morgan continued up front in what has been a flourishing partnership in recent weeks.

The game got off to a slow and scrappy start, with neither team able to keep the ball particularly well, most probably. Barber looking dangerous down the right with some good runs, and Josh and Morgan causing the Stewartby defence some problems with their movement and link up play… However the Stewartby centre backs pace, got them out of trouble on a number of occasions. Minty and Haywood dominated in the centre, with the captain in particular making his opponents look like little boys. With Tomlin also having the pace on the right back, it seemed inevitable that a goal would come sooner rather than later. (At this point it seems appropriate to mention that speculation was at a rife in regards to this right back and his number 99 shirt… Some said it was his age, some said it was his weight, but my personal favourite came when someone rumoured that it was the number of burgers that he ate prior to the match… could be Chinese whispers though, we all know how quickly 33 can multiply! That’s 3 x 33 = 99 Marcus, yes nearly the biggest number in the world, mate… 100!)

Anyway with eyes back on the match Kings earned themselves a dangerous looking free kick, which captain Haywood trotted over to take… as he always does. Ad took a look at the Goalkeepers positioning, threw a blade of grass in the air, seeing it smack him back in the forehead, and with a wry smile concluded… “its windy.” On this note, Haywood adopted a Jonny Wilkinson-esque style approach and with arms stretched out in front, knees bent and tank ass bulging, he struck a ferocious drive. Dipping, swerving, spinning with pace, power and accuracy, Haywood managed to find the patch of mud he had been searching for. As the keeper dove down to his right (that’s our left, Sammo) little did he know about the sneakiness of Captain Marvels plans, as the ball kicked up perfectly above the keepers flailing arms for 1-0. A much needed goal for Kings that relieved a lot of pressure. Half Time.

Half Time seemed to give Kings an extra kick, and they began to play with more freedom. Having previously been winded in the first half, Josh took vengeance on the old man of a centre back, throwing himself in the way of a clearance, which he mis-timed marginally to earn himself his 7th yellow card of the season, leaving the daddy of the team on the deck holding a most probably wrinkled and saggy foot.

Kings still pressing on got exactly what they deserved when Minty found Morgan with a nice pass. Morgan in turn crossing for Tomlin to net from 6 yards. Sighs of relief came from Kings, who now seemed liberated, and it was surely not long before the floodgates were to open.

Making the first substitution of the evening, Minty decided to take off the hardworking Barber and replace him with an unfamiliar face at right midfield, in the form of Sylvain. Not too long after this change Wilson picked up the ball and darted past the full back and to the byeline, then with expert precision laid the ball back to Lee, Kings were to find themselves 3 up, with Morgan receiving the ball into feet, taking a touch and burying exquisitely in the far corner to almost guarantee a league title for Kings. Whipping out his belly, Morgan smiled, un-expectant of a sadistic attack from Josh who proceeded to give him a timely smack, losing one finger in the process, but probably leaving a hand shaped red mark around the stomach of Morgs.

Soon after this, Minty deemed it safe to bring Scholesy on for Marcus, with Kings reverting to a rather unorthodox look about them… now with Scholes and Sylvain providing the pace on the wings and Haywood moving to right back and Milner going into the centre of the park with the Mint. With Scholes showing some neat touches, Kyle Scott remarked “I love that Scholes never gives the ball away” and right on cue, the big ginger man decided to tie a bow round the ball, and present it the Stewartby centre midfielder. What a kind gesture, you’re a good man Allen, a good man…

With 15 minutes left on the clock and one sub left, Josh, who had worked tirelessly all game, was taken off and replaced by brother Nathan. Redeeming his finger from Morgan’s belly button/cave, Josh trotted off the pitch.

In search of a way back, Stewartby moved their decent centre back further forward, and in doing so left Clements with acres of space. Receiving the ball promptly, Clements shaped to shoot, but the glare off Sylvain’s head distracted him and he could do little but pass to Lombardo, who struck an incredible drive with the outside of his right boot towards the top corner only to hear the ‘ping’ of the crossbar. Picking up the pieces, Clements nodded in from close range for 4-0. Soon after this Clements had another chance as he was put in one-on-one by the impressive Morgan, and slotted home his second and Kings 5th. Another chance came along for Clements, with Haywood squaring through a perfect ball unselfishly for the number 9 to tap home for 6. As Jeff was thrown up top, he made all the difference latching onto a big Sansom kick to thread Clements through again for number 7. Sammo’s big kick proving pivotal again, finding Clements on the left, who took on his man, skipping past a pair of moobs (man boobs) and crossing for Sylvain, who was beaten by the centre back who slotted it home for 8... Obviously when people said it was a shot by Clements that was on target, he wasn’t going to argue, and accepted it as his fifth. Next name on the score sheet was a familiar one… A corner from the left found Jeff who flicked a classy right boot at the ball for 9. With the game coming to a close, Clements latched onto another big kick from Sansom, nodding round the keeper and tapping into an empty net for 10-0 and his 6th of the game.

And it could have been a magical seven for Clements as he pushed a header wide after an awesome left wing Loosemore run with time ticking away.

A great 2nd half performance from Kings and a great team game, proving once again that they can last until the final whistle. Great work lads and well done on the league title… Bring on Meltis and Blue Chip.

Nathan Clements